Communication
[kuh-myoo-ni-key-shuhn]
1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.
2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.
"Remember the days of old,
Consider the years of all generations.
Ask your father, and he will inform you,
Your elders, and they will tell you.
~ Deuteronomy 32:7
Just Ask.
I first took an interest in my family history when I was about 14 years old. I read the current books with advise on the steps to take. They all suggested the same thing: Talk to your family. So I did. During dinner one night I asked my father if he could tell me anything about his father or grandparents. My parents looked knowingly at each other and said, "We are going to see Grandpa next week. Why don't you ask Grandpa then."
I anxiously awaited by preparing questions. The day arrived. I waited for the right moment when everyone else was busy talking and Grandpa was sitting by himself. I told him of my interest in the family history and that I wanted to ask him some questions. The room went silent. I felt like all eyes were on my grandfather and me. He sat there, looked at me and tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn't answer and at 14 year old I knew I would never try to ask again.
I had decided right then that I would always try to research my genealogy without asking direct questions. Grandpa's line of the family was a mystery to me until the magic of the internet revealed the answers I was looking for. (Thank God I was computer savvy from the start)
Eventually I learned why Grandpa was so emotional, but I'll never know the whole story. Although he is one of my most beloved relatives his life is still a mystery to me. It's a pathetic genealogist, who can't even find out why she has a portrait of her Grandpa in a navy uniform, but can find no record of any military service. (I suspect that he may have been in the Merchant Marine, but I haven't learned to navigate those waters yet.)
This is a cautionary tale. Don't do as I did/do. Ask the questions. Endure the rolling of the eyes and the comments like, "Oh, she wants to know the family hissss-tory." Comfort as you go through the process. Interact in the conversation. Ask. I'm not telling you to make anyone cry, but if that happens, try to find another way to ask. Today. My grandpa died in 1996.
I hope this helps.
One more thing: Don't let the opinions of others influence the way you feel your ancestors. Remember, there are two sides to every story. Sometimes even more than two. Like our children, we can love our ancestors no matter how bad they may have been!
I recently heard a great suggestion: Speak to siblings together and see if ANY of it is the same. Everyone seems to have their own version of events.
I anxiously awaited by preparing questions. The day arrived. I waited for the right moment when everyone else was busy talking and Grandpa was sitting by himself. I told him of my interest in the family history and that I wanted to ask him some questions. The room went silent. I felt like all eyes were on my grandfather and me. He sat there, looked at me and tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn't answer and at 14 year old I knew I would never try to ask again.
I had decided right then that I would always try to research my genealogy without asking direct questions. Grandpa's line of the family was a mystery to me until the magic of the internet revealed the answers I was looking for. (Thank God I was computer savvy from the start)
Eventually I learned why Grandpa was so emotional, but I'll never know the whole story. Although he is one of my most beloved relatives his life is still a mystery to me. It's a pathetic genealogist, who can't even find out why she has a portrait of her Grandpa in a navy uniform, but can find no record of any military service. (I suspect that he may have been in the Merchant Marine, but I haven't learned to navigate those waters yet.)
This is a cautionary tale. Don't do as I did/do. Ask the questions. Endure the rolling of the eyes and the comments like, "Oh, she wants to know the family hissss-tory." Comfort as you go through the process. Interact in the conversation. Ask. I'm not telling you to make anyone cry, but if that happens, try to find another way to ask. Today. My grandpa died in 1996.
I hope this helps.
- What if a relative has dementia or memory problems?
One more thing: Don't let the opinions of others influence the way you feel your ancestors. Remember, there are two sides to every story. Sometimes even more than two. Like our children, we can love our ancestors no matter how bad they may have been!
I recently heard a great suggestion: Speak to siblings together and see if ANY of it is the same. Everyone seems to have their own version of events.
It's difficult to just answer the question: Tell me about your childhood. That's why I like to prepare a few questions. The following list outlines suggestions of the questions I like to ask after we get through all the names and birth dates. Pick and choose as you see fit. If at all possible voice record or video the interview, if your relative is not uncomfortable with that.
RESIDENCE
EDUCATION -
FUN & ENTERTAINMENT -
-Who were the oldest guests at that function?
-Are there any family traditions associated with those events?
Mom & Dad
CAREERS
YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY
HEALTH.
Military service.
RESIDENCE
- Ask for a list of all the addresses the person lived at
- what age they were when they lived there?
- What do you remember about the home you grew up in? Was it an apartment? Did you have to share a bedroom?
- Did any extended family members or friends of family ever stay with you? Grandparents. aunts, etc.?
EDUCATION -
- Names any schools and colleges attended
- if possible, can they name the teachers? These days some sites are posting school yearbooks and pictures. Any of this information can be potentially rewarding.
- Did they belong to any school clubs or associations? band, sports, theater. Do they have any interesting memories to share with you on this topic.
FUN & ENTERTAINMENT -
- Where did they 'hang out' ? beach, movie theaters, mall, porch, street corner, restaurants or diners?
- How about family vacations? Did the family take vacations or day trips?
- What celebrations do you remember? Bar mitzvah? Christenings? Marriages? Baby Showers?
-Who were the oldest guests at that function?
-Are there any family traditions associated with those events?
- Did they grow up with any pets? What kind and names?
- Did the parents or grandparents have any Hobbies? What did they do for for fun?
Mom & Dad
- What kind of food did your mother cook? Full dinners with veggies and dessert or TV dinners? Italian cuisine? French? Did they experiment in the kitchen or just try to get kitchen time over with?
CAREERS
- What was your first job? (this question raised some eyebrows in my family!)
- Do you know where the parents or grandparents worked, or what they did for a living?
- What kind of hours did they work? Was full time 10 hours a day? Maybe 8?
YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY
- Who was the most colorful members of the family? (let them define colorful any way they want)
- Do they know about any 'scandals' that they feel comfortable talking about? [My mother-in-law would never explain why her grandmother and great-grandmother had the same last name, but other scandal she happily shared!]
- Anyone have any skirmishes with the legal system? (don't be embarrassed. Most families have someone.)
HEALTH.
- Are there health issues that your own doctor would ask about. Anything that can be inherited. Medical doctors often want to know about heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, glaucoma, cataracts, TB, etc.
Military service.
- Here again we ask for dates.
- Were they drafted or registered of their own will?
- Where did they take basic training?
- Where were they stationed?
- Any special recognitions/medals?